I am about to share with you an absolutely mortifying experience. Most people would not survive it and live to laugh about it but the story must be told because no matter what your mortifying experience has been, mine is probably much worse. You decide.
I live in PA and I am originally from NY which requires many a trip to NY to visit my family. This ends up to be an exhausting experience as there are many people to see and I am constantly on the run. Although I love them dearly, these weekend visits take their toll on my energy.
After a 4 Day visit, my husband and I were on the long drive home. Nature came calling and I had him pull into a McDonald's so I could go to the bathroom. Now mind you, I hate public bathrooms but sometimes you have to go and have no choice. My husband stayed with the car as our dogs were with us and I went in to do my "girlie thing".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to not sit on a public restroom seat? You have to delicately balance yourself in a hovering position, knees bent and sometimes aching, your butt precariously perched and at the same time relax so you can do what you came to do.
You hurry up and wipe , pull up your pants, wash your hands and get the hell out of there because public rest rooms give you the heebie-jeebies. Ok maybe I am the only one public bathrooms give the heebie-jeebies and OK maybe I need therapy but that is not the point of the story.
I returned to the car and my husband wanted to go in and get something to eat so I stood outside the car stretching my legs before beginning another marathon drive on the highway to home. While standing there I nonchalantly reached back and felt something unusual and when I grabbed it, I realized it was a long wad of toilet paper that was dangling out the back of my pants. I then realized in my haste to wipe and get out of the dreaded public restroom, the toilet paper did not get flushed but rather accompanied me to the car. My first reaction was to die right there and my second reaction was to laugh hysterically at myself. I quickly grabbed the toilet paper and kicked it under the car. THANK GOD I discovered it and took care of the problem. End of story right? No ..not so fast
I noticed my husband coming out of the McDonalds and he was laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he told me that all the kids working the counters were laughing at this lady who just left the restaurant with toilet paper sticking out the back of her pants.
OH JUST LET THE EARTH SWALLOW ME UP RIGHT HERE AND NOW!~
Now internally I was laughing at myself but I was not about to tell my husband that the toilet paper challenged lady in question was me.
As we pulled away from our parking space, I quickly tried to divert his attention from the wad of white toilet paper laying on the black aspalt that suddenly looked like a friggin mountain and was being slowly exposed as we backed out. I yelled "Oh Look at the Hawk!~" and seeing my husband loves hawks..it worked like a charm. My secret was safe ( except for the 8 or so teenagers working at the McDonalds in Scranton PA)
The moral of the story is if you can not laugh at yourself, who can? You can be the most charismatic, accomplished person in the world but eventually humility will come a knocking and sometimes it comes in the form of toilet paper sticking out the back of your pants.
Now please do NOT tell my husband. I do want him to be the only person in the world to still think of me as being a refined and delicate lady. It is our little secret.
I am still laughing though ...
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